Understanding a line of foreshadowing so well that you have to stand up and walk around the house saying “shit shit shit shit shit” until you’re composed enough to go back.
some guy just called my number thinking i was a male prostitute, and he started talking to me about how much he could pay me so i pulled up gunshot noises on my computer and started screaming and he panicked and hung up
911 jUST FFUCKING CALLLLED ME IA AMC LAUGHHING SO HARD I TOLD THEM THE SITUEATION AND I’M STULL FUCMKING LAUGHING BECUASE NO W HTE’YRE TRACING THE GUY TO ARREST HIM FOR TRYING TO SOLICITEA ND PAY FOR SEX
I’VE DONE A GOOD
It’s too hot *opens window* in comes 20 flys, 8 spiders, 17 daddy long legs, 50 moths, 3 dragons and 12 Jehovah’s witnesses.
Gandalf takes Legolas and the hobbits to a gay bar. [source]
You’re driving down the street
There’s no one around and you’re stuck at a red light
Out of the corner of your eye, you spot him
Trying to drive far from Shia LaBeouf
He’s in a fucking car it’s Shia LaBeouf,
Driving round the cornerrrr
DRIVING FOR YOUR LIFE FROM SHIA LABEOUF
This is the greatest thing I have ever seen ever.
Ori & Dori & Jacksies